THE (former) CHURCH FANATIC

Crosspost- Sewn in Love

2012-01-17T19:13:00.000-08:00

This is a crosspost from my other blog.

My soul unravels along the seam of life's journey.
Darned by the master Tailor.
Stitches of my brokeness ripped from the fabric of my quilt.
Tangled and frayed, I try to follow;
letting myself be snipped of fear, shame, and pride.
My control is shredded,
and I realize my soul's utter nakedness.
Clothe me, O Lord, with You.
Hem the doubt, darn the judgment.
Gather Love in my heart.
Knit me with mercy.
Goodbye old garment.
I am sew(n) in Love.

Comparing

2012-01-12T11:57:00.000-08:00

One particular point in my post on depression is about comparing, and I want to delve into it more deeply. Many women mercilessly compare themselves to others, seeing if they meet up to their ideal. But if we stop and think about our ideal wife, mother, trad. Catholic, or whatever title you want to call it, can we see how unrealistic it really is? Here is one example (and there may be many others depending on your ideal, but this is a common one I have noticed). I mean who has a great figure (because she exercises 5x a week), raises most of her food (organically of course), homeschools her 6 children (while writing her own hands-on "real" curriculum) with 2 nurslings, hangs out her wash (don't forget there are cloth diapers blowin in the wind!), keeps her house looking like Better Homes and Gardens, attends daily Mass (only the TLM which is in boonville), sews matching outfits, keeps up with her perfect blog, and runs a home business on the side. This doesn't even take into account the wonderful virtues she has perfected like patience (she never yells or scolds), denies herself constantly (goes with little sleep, plays with her children any time she an, dotes on her husband constantly). Heck, even June Cleaver couldn't match up to that.
Most of us at one time or another have tried to do many of these things (or other forms of ideal) and felt that we didn't measure up to this ridiculous yardstick. We need to cut ourselves some slack and realize we don't all have to be alike, we aren't perfect, and our reality will never match up with our ideal...and that is ok. We are human not superwoman. God does not call all to be the same cookie-cutter moms. Dr. Mary K. Clark sums it up nicely in her (July 2006) Seton newsletter. "Each of us is made in the image of God, so each of us reflects some small part of the infinite goodness of God. Since everyone is unique, and everyone is called to serve God, we must say that there are an infinite number of ways that God is to be served. The task of each person in life is to find that way of serving God to which he is called." We are made in God's image and likeness not June Cleaver, Suzie homemaker, or St. Do-it-all. Become who you are!

Depression

2012-01-04T18:13:00.000-08:00

Depression seems so common these days. I am not sure why that is; maybe it is because of our fast paced life and culture. What I do know is that it has affected me and several of my traditional friends. (I am NOT saying traditionalism has caused depression, just stating some similarities that I have noticed)
During my search for information and help about depression, a wonderful book was recommended to me. I was hesitant at first to read it (because it is Christian in content but not specifically Catholic), but then I decided to give it a try after reading reviews. It is called Getting Over the Blues: A Woman's Guide to Fighting Depression . I am now reading it a second time and am finding new little gems I missed or forgot on my first read. I wanted to share a few quotes and thoughts about them and how I see them played out in my life and a few friends who have struggled with depression as well.

"When we measure our value and worth against our ability to maintain either our own or someone else's ideal standards, we will always fall short and suffer. No one ever stands next to "perfect" and feels good about being imperfect." p.103

This is so me. I tried so hard to maintain the "trad standards" and always thought poorly of myself because I didn't measure up. As soon as I began a new standard, I would feel like I still didn't qualify as a good, holy mom. This led me to several things that weren't "me" like not participating in sports, wearing jewelry and make-up, and dress changes. Every time a new standard was added, I began looking for another because there were so many radical ideas out there that I felt like I wasn't a good enough Catholic if I wasn't doing these things.

"The battle you face right now is which voice you will listen to and trust to be your truest truth. Will it be God's word or the negative voices in your own head and heart." p.107

For a long time, I had a hard time letting go of those voices that told me I was sinning by going to the Novus Ordo, wearing pants, or using NFP. This is true of my friends who have suffered depression and considered themselves traditionalists. I constantly chided myself because I had heard so many times that I needed to do or not do certain things to be a good traditional Catholic. The voice inside my head has been difficult to extinguish.

"When we fail to live up to our own idealized version of ourselves, we not only feel disappointed in ourselves, but we often also hate ourselves and become depressed....First, we knock ourselves out trying to live up to some impossible ideal image we've constructed just to feel normal. Second, we become disappointed and beat ourselves up when we fail to measure up to this ideal image." pp. 120-121

Same as above.

"Many women put unrealistic expectations on themselves to to it all, be it all, and have it all....The internal stress, the things we put on ourselves, can push us over the brink as well." p.123

This has happened to me and several of my friends. I had to have as many kids as I could (to help bring back the traditional Catholics), homeschool them all, use cloth diapers, natural foods and medicines, constantly monitor everything my kids heard, saw, and did, etc. I think the stress of it all is what me pushed me over the edge and helped with my healing.

"...we must also learn to accept that we are not all the same. We have different gifts, temperaments, and preferences....Too many women don't accept who they are. Instead, they continuously compare themselves with others, always coming up short. They think they should like what other women like, do what other women do, and feel what other women feel. When you are always trying to be like someone else or what you think other people want you to be instead of being who God made you to be, you will feel drained and stressed-out, perhaps taking on things that God did not intend for you to do." pp.128-129

Isn't this just like pre-teens and teen-agers? We want to be like someone else. For me, it was this idealized perfect trad mom who had well-behaved children (and a lot of them and never feel like I was ready to be done) and homeschool them without any problems. Oh, and this was going to ensure they stay true to the faith. (because this is almost sold as gospel truth among homeschoolers)

I could go on and on. They are so many wonderful gems in this book. For those suffering depression or have someone close who is, I highly recommend it.

Back to blogging

2011-12-23T21:50:00.000-08:00

I have been busy. Who hasn't. Anyways, I hope to get back to this much neglected blog. Email me with requests. (see sidebar)

down for construction

2011-11-13T07:58:00.001-08:00

I am shutting the blog down for some work on it. God Bless,

Great link

2011-11-05T14:05:00.000-07:00

For those who don't follow my other blog, I am posting this here for you. I think this issue really needs to be talked about withing the homeschooling community.

Keep your eyes on your own work

2011-09-06T09:18:00.000-07:00

This is so spot on. Exactly what this whole blog is about. Check it out.

Keep your eyes on your own work

Catholic-Protestant connection

2011-09-01T11:20:00.000-07:00

I have noticed a trend among Catholic homeschoolers. Most Catholics began homeschooling after the Protestants started in earnest. Actually they still outnumber Catholic homeschoolers quite a bit. What I have seen is that Catholics are following in their footsteps in other areas as well. About a year and a half ago, I stumbled upon a blog, No Longer Quivering, while looking for Catholic info about no NFP. This site led me to many other sites, mostly ones from adult children who had been homeschooled and living lives like I see some Catholic homeschoolers getting involved in. Typically I have seen these Protestants who let God plan their family (and they think NFP is just like artificial birth control), many women wear dresses only, don't let their girls go to college, promote courtship (in a very strict sense), and shelter their children from things like outside activities, to only associating with families who believe just as they do. Many of them are fearful of all "institutions" (like schools and the medical profession) and believe these people are out to harm them. It appears that some of these Protestants are taking things way too far and the number of hurt children who have lived through it is enormous. Catholics seem to be following in some of these ways. As preferences, they may be fine. Problem is many are trying to pass these ideas off as Church dogma. Below are a few blogs from adult children who were raised in this "movement". All of them are Protestant with the exception of one.

Jumpers to Jeans

Permission to live

Broken Daughters

Love, joy, and feminism This one sadly has become atheist which is common.

Quivering Daughters

There is no wealth but life (this is the Catholic one)

There are many more I have come across (and many are linked on the above sites). They sound hauntingly familiar.

And Sometimes Tea: The Truly True Secret Catholic Preservation Society

2011-08-25T07:34:00.000-07:00

Check this out. It is very similar in ways to what some trads do.

And Sometimes Tea: The Truly True Secret Catholic Preservation Society

Cafeteria Catholics

2011-08-22T09:45:00.000-07:00

The buzz on many message forums is those liberal, cafeteria Catholics. Typically, these are seen as Catholics who pick and choose what they like about the faith and ignore those hard issues. What comes to most peoples mind when they hear cafeteria Catholic is the politician who believes in abortion, some friend who uses artificial birth control, or cousin Sue who has been divorce and "remarried" yet still receives communion. But as I recently came across this familiar term again, I started thinking that the radical traditionalist is a cafeteria Catholic of a different buffet. They like to serve up dishes such as "don't go to the Novus Ordo because it is illicit" or "the Church just came up with Catholic birth control" or "Modesty: my way or the highway." Many disgruntled Catholics who were fed up with the liberal Catholic cafeteria they have been attending searched for a new and improved place to dine. Somehow, they missed that right turn and headed the wrong (opposite) direction and ended up in the traddy cafe'. What they found there looked so appetizing (because they had been spiritually starved for so long) that they "drank the kool aid", not realizing what they had been dished up is laced with falsehood. I know the menu by heart because I was once a regular diner at the traddy cafe', but now I have found the more centrally located cafeteria with "food" prepared (and already chosen) and overseen by the best "Cook" that I won't dine anywhere else.

The Traditional Catholic gestapo mom revisited

2011-08-21T12:30:00.000-07:00

Many of you may remember from my personal blog my view of the Traditional Catholic gestapo mom. How have I come to grips with "her"? Well, in some regards I haven't completly but that's ok. It can be an ongoing healing process. I have done several tangible things to eliminate "her" such as unsubbing from certain publications, not reading certain books/blogs/message boards, and avoided traddy people that are as serious as a heart attack. BUT "she" is still inside my head. I need to learn to silence that voice and rid "her" forever. How am I going to quiet that nagging, guilt-inducing what's a name for that voice? Critic? Judge? Certainly not God. One way I have helped myself is by making decisions about those troubling choices and sticking to them. Also, I am praying and begging the Divine Mercy of Jesus to remove "her" from me. In case He doesn't (and He can work at a snai'ls pace), I am going to do lots of positive self-talk, telling myself why I made the decisions I did, that they are best for our family, and that God led me to them. Then I am going to embrace the panicky feelings by saying I acknowledge them but will not allow them to control me or cause me doubt or worry. I will be able to squelch this voice and let the One who needs to be heard do the talking.

blog links wanted

2011-08-01T14:52:00.001-07:00

I have created a blog list on the side bar with blogs of interest similar to my blog. If you would like your blog to be considered, please email me (see the contact link on the right).

Guarding against legalism

2011-07-12T20:34:00.000-07:00

Here is a good article on legalism from Catholic.net. It really explains why trying to require things like dresses only, no jewelry or make-up are wrong and thus legalistic.(i.e. requiring things the church does not) I have been thinking about this issue a lot lately. Maybe I will do a series of posts on Catholic legalism which is totally different from what protestants think.

Our children's happiness

2011-07-10T18:59:00.000-07:00

Here is an incredible article (it is long) on how people are obsessed with their children's happiness. Be forwarned, there are a few bad words in it, particularly in the first sentence or two. This article really made me think about one of the reasons I have homeschooled in the past; to keep my children from feeling hurt, rejection, etc. Really was good food for thought.

No longer homeschooling

2011-06-03T19:15:00.000-07:00

On my other blog which is more of a journal of my life and various thoughts, I wrote about why we are leaving homeschooling.

Homeschooling myths

2011-05-25T14:22:00.000-07:00

I found an interesting series of blog posts about the myths of homeschooling. (part 4 is here; it didn't work for me in the first link.) This is not what one might expect, though. It is about myths that homeschoolers are perpetuating about how great homeschooling is. (while hiding the hard, bad stuff) I don't agree with everything stated here (the author is pro-homeschooling and Christian, but it might not seem like it because he is quite blunt), but I am glad someone is speaking about the hard parts of homeschooling instead of painting it as a cure all to all of societies ills. Some homeschoolers set homeschooling up as an idol and don't want any of the bad to leak out. Pride can run deep, and I think we need to acknowledge the difficulties that this choice brings (along with all of the good) instead of covering it up and pretending problems don't exist. And I think it is time that people quit thinking they are somehow better parents because they homeschool or that it is the only good choice. Below are several other links to posts about people who have left homeschooling. Some are about how they were treated negatively by other homeschoolers because they left homeschooling behind.

homeschooling burnout

I lost the homeschool battle

Why we're dropping out of homeschool

homeschooling guru sends her kids to public school

Why I do not homeschool

Now, just so I make this known, I am pro-homeschooling, if that is working for everyone involved, including mom. However, now I believe that other choices can work just as well and each family must discern where God is leading them. I am no longer the homeschooling nazi police.

Spiritual Pride

2011-05-23T11:00:00.000-07:00

Pride is one of the deadly sins and the root of all evil. Many of us struggle with this. I know I have and really didn't even realize it. I also struggle with trusting God. I tend to want to control everything. But I am slowly getting it through my thick head that I am really not in control of very much. Basically, I am in control of how I think and act. But I cannot control others. So, back to the pride issue. I have been re-reading Enjoy the Lord: A path to Contemplation by Rev. John Catoir. It is such a powerful book. Short and sweet but very profound. As I was reading the chapter on trust for the umpteenth time, several things jumped out at me. Screamed at me, really, and the Holy Spirit prompted me to write about it. Here are the things that impressed me:
"Religion can deteriorate into a struggle to demonstrate (primarily to oneself) one's constancy, one's integrity, one's thoughtfulness, one's willingness to serve, one's piety. It becomes "I must do this"; "I will do that"; " I must not do the other thing." Please notice the use of the word "I"---I,I,I. Religion becomes self-centered. This is why good people become ashamed when they fail to improve. They have not yet learned "abandonment." They have tried to do too much on their own." p. 68 (there is that control thing again)

"We can begin by examining our lives thoughtfully to see if we have fallen into any of the traps that the ego sets for us. For instance, it is an all too human fault to make believe the Father's will for us coincides with our own desires. The more we want something, i.e., the more we depend on it for our own happiness, the more we tend to assume that it is surely what God must also want. When this happens, we may not be listening; we may be dictating." p.71.

"Abandonment will surely lead to the fragrant flower of humility and love." p. 78

Wow, these are so me. The "I" is so much a part of my spriitual vocabulary that I didn't even realize it. And the funny (yet sad) thing about pride, is that we don't usually recognize it for what it is. Pride can have good intentions. What I mean by that is that the desire can be noble. I want to be holy. It is such a noble desire, what we all should want. But the problem comes in when we simply use reason to decide what will lead to holiness. Many people hear ideas or see others doing something that appears to make them holy and conclude that they need to do that thing. But sometimes people forget to ask the Holy Spirit what is God's will for them and to check it out against Church teaching.
I truly have been humbled as I have journeyed through the land of traditionalism and out again. I didn't really seek God's will; many issues were just outward and not an inward conversion, and God is slowly showing me that His will can lead us in very different places than we expect or want. But I am learning ever so slowly and painfully that God can work through many situations, and that there is no one way to holiness.

Homeschooling

2011-05-15T13:45:00.000-07:00

I have no fancy Church statements on the right to homeschool. Most homeschoolers use the quotes from previous posts to support their right to homeschool. Simply stated parent are the primary and first educators of their children.
I think homeschooling is a wonderful option for parents if they feel like they can handle it and/or feel the need. I have homeschooled for 16 years, and my reasons for doing so have changed. When I began, I homeschooled for educational and safety reasons. Once I became involved in the traditionalist movement, my reasons switched to moral reasons. I came to believe that it was the only way to transmit the faith to my children. And now, after seeing and knowing some good Catholic families who have chosen a different route than homeschooling, I see things a bit differently. I no longer see it as the only way.
Also after becoming a traditionalist, I heard that many previous "methods" that I used in our homeschool were anti-Catholic. Things such as unschooling, Montessori, and Charlotte Mason methods were touted as evil. Wanting to do things "right", I switched to a school at home program that made us miserable, all in the name of a good Catholic education. Thankfully, we didn't keep that up for long and went back to our more relaxed style of schooling. Homeschooling methods are very personal and one must weigh many factors into that decision. There is no way right way to homeschool and no one Catholic way that will work for everyone.

Catholic schools

2011-05-13T14:12:00.000-07:00

Many traditionalist are wary of Catholic schools. I know I was. Even before I was involved in Traditionalism, I viewed Catholic schools in a negative light because surely that must be the reason for the lack of faith following Vatican II. Homeschooling was the only viable option that any practicing Catholic could choose. To put your children into public school was akin to throwing them into Hades, and well, those Catholic schools are run by feminist lay people. What other choice is there for a parent to choose who loves their child and their faith? One thing I forgot, and many others who are seeking to keep their children Catholic and pass on the faith, is that homeschooling (or any other schooling for that matter) isn't going to save them. There are no guarantees. God is bigger than homeschooling, Catholic schooling, and public schooling. He can work through any situation. I am getting a bit off track, but that needed to be said....
We know that after Vatican II, the number of religious vocations dropped dramatically, especially for women. Slowly, the teaching sisters left the schools, and they for the most part have been taken over by the lay people. Problem is that you have to pay those people so Catholic school is prohibitive for many. But now days you hear that none of the schools are good any more because the sisters aren't teaching and feminist women have taken over. Many are even bold enough to say that only SSPX and the few FSSP schools are good. I am sure there are many bad ones around, but now that my eyes have been opened, I haven't seen them. I have only heard hearsay, but the few that I have come in close contact lately (that would be 6 because we are considering sending our to Catholic school ) only one had something questionable going on and that was quite a number of years ago under a different principal. All of these schools had Mass once a week, taught the children the Rosary, celebrated All Saints, the month of Mary (with May crownings), most had adoration times, prayed the stations of the cross during Lent and quite a few of them used traditional religion texts. Both high schools I looked at use the Didache series which quite a lot of homeschoolers are using. One high school had the priest teaching religion (and he celebrates the EF Mass) and the other had a deacon teaching religion. Manners, respect, and modesty are expected. Of course, I am sure the children learn many of the bad things that we parents wish to shelter them from, but at some point we have to let them learn to distinguish right from wrong. That is where our part as parents comes in. We have to be involved in their education and talk to them along with listening. Our example is key and if we have their hearts, I think that goes a long way.
Ok, on to some technical lingo supporting Catholic schools. From:
GRAVISSIMUM EDUCATIONIS

Declaration on Christian Education

Second Vatican Council (again, please don't freak; it's legit;))
Catholic Schools

The influence of the Church in the field of education is shown in a special manner by the Catholic school. No less than other schools does the Catholic school pursue cultural goals and the human formation of youth. But its proper function is to create for the school community a special atmosphere animated by the Gospel spirit of freedom and charity, to help youth grow according to the new creatures they were made through baptism as they develop their own personalities, and finally to order the whole of human culture to the news of salvation so that the knowledge the students gradually acquire of the world, life and man is illumined by faith.(25) So indeed the Catholic school, while it is open, as it must be, to the situation of the contemporary world, leads its students to promote efficaciously the good of the earthly city and also prepares them for service in the spread of the Kingdom of God, so that by leading an exemplary apostolic life they become, as it were, a saving leaven in the human community.

Since, therefore, the Catholic school can be such an aid to the fulfillment of the mission of the People of God and to the fostering of the dialogue between the Church and mankind, to the benefit of both, it retains even in our present circumstances the utmost importance. Consequently this sacred synod proclaims anew what has already been taught in several documents of the magisterium,(26) namely: the right of the Church freely to establish and to conduct schools of every type and level. And the council calls to mind that the exercise of a right of this kind contributes in the highest degree to the protection of freedom of conscience, the rights of parents, as well as to the betterment of culture itself.

But let teachers recognize that the Catholic school depends upon them almost entirely for the accomplishment of its goals and programs.(27) They should therefore be very carefully prepared so that both in secular and religious knowledge they are equipped with suitable qualifications and also with a pedagogical skill that is in keeping with the findings of the contemporary world. Intimately linked in charity to one another and to their students and endowed with an apostolic spirit, may teachers by their life as much as by their instruction bear witness to Christ, the unique Teacher. Let them work as partners with parents and together with them in every phase of education give due consideration to the difference of sex and the proper ends Divine Providence assigns to each sex in the family and in society. Let them do all they can to stimulate their students to act for themselves and even after graduation to continue to assist them with advice, friendship and by establishing special associations imbued with the true spirit of the Church. The work of these teachers, this sacred synod declares, is in the real sense of the word an apostolate most suited to and necessary for our times and at once a true service offered to society. The Council also reminds Catholic parents of the duty of entrusting their children to Catholic schools wherever and whenever it is possible and of supporting these schools to the best of their ability and of cooperating with them for the education of their children.(28)

9. Different Types of Catholic Schools

To this concept of a Catholic school all schools that are in any way dependent on the Church must conform as far as possible, though the Catholic school is to take on different forms in keeping with local circumstances.(29) Thus the Church considers very dear to her heart those Catholic schools, found especially in the areas of the new churches, which are attended also by students who are not Catholics.

Attention should be paid to the needs of today in establishing and directing Catholic schools. Therefore, though primary and secondary schools, the foundation of education, must still be fostered, great importance is to be attached to those which are required in a particular way by contemporary conditions, such as: professional(30) and technical schools, centers for educating adults and promoting social welfare, or for the retarded in need of special care, and also schools for preparing teachers for religious instruction and other types of education.

This Sacred Council of the Church earnestly entreats pastors and all the faithful to spare no sacrifice in helping Catholic schools fulfill their function in a continually more perfect way, and especially in caring for the needs of those who are poor in the goods of this world or who are deprived of the assistance and affection of a family or who are strangers to the gift of Faith.

Church teaching on education

2011-05-04T14:51:00.000-07:00

Here are a few exerps from the Catechism on education. (these are also linked in the sidebar) My comments are in blue.
2223 Parents have the first responsibility for the education of their children. They bear witness to this responsibility first by creating a home where tenderness, forgiveness, respect, fidelity, and disinterested service are the rule. The home is well suited for education in the virtues. This requires an apprenticeship in self-denial, sound judgment, and self-mastery - the preconditions of all true freedom. Parents should teach their children to subordinate the "material and instinctual dimensions to interior and spiritual ones." Parents have a grave responsibility to give good example to their children. By knowing how to acknowledge their own failings to their children, parents will be better able to guide and correct them:

He who loves his son will not spare the rod. . . . He who disciplines his son will profit by him.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

2229 As those first responsible for the education of their children, parents have the right to choose a school for them which corresponds to their own convictions. This right is fundamental. As far as possible parents have the duty of choosing schools that will best help them in their task as Christian educators. Public authorities have the duty of guaranteeing this parental right and of ensuring the concrete conditions for its exercise.

Basically this is saying that we parents are the primary educators of our children and we have the right to choose where they are educated, not specifically that we have to do all of the teaching ourselves. We must watch over our children's education and see to it they receive proper religious formation.

From: (Now don't freak out, all you current or former trads, but this is from Pope Paul VI who was Pope!)

DECLARATION ON CHRISTIAN EDUCATION

GRAVISSIMUM EDUCATIONIS

PROCLAIMED BY

POPE PAUL VI

ON OCTOBER 28, 1965

The Authors of Education
Since parents have given children their life, they are bound by the most serious obligation to educate their offspring and therefore must be recognized as the primary and principal educators.(11) This role in education is so important that only with difficulty can it be supplied where it is lacking. Parents are the ones who must create a family atmosphere animated by love and respect for God and man, in which the well-rounded personal and social education of children is fostered. Hence the family is the first school of the social virtues that every society needs. It is particularly in the Christian family, enriched by the grace and office of the sacrament of matrimony, that children should be taught from their early years to have a knowledge of God according to the faith received in Baptism, to worship Him, and to love their neighbor. Here, too, they find their first experience of a wholesome human society and of the Church. Finally, it is through the family that they are gradually led to a companionship with their fellowmen and with the people of God. Let parents, then, recognize the inestimable importance a truly Christian family has for the life and progress of God's own people.(12)

The family which has the primary duty of imparting education needs help of the whole community. In addition, therefore, to the rights of parents and others to whom the parents entrust a share in the work of education, certain rights and duties belong indeed to civil society, whose role is to direct what is required for the common temporal good. Its function is to promote the education of youth in many ways, namely: to protect the duties and rights of parents and others who share in education and to give them aid; according to the principle of subsidiarity, when the endeavors of parents and other societies are lacking, to carry out the work of education in accordance with the wishes of the parents; and, moreover, as the common good demands, to build schools and institutions.(13)

Finally, in a special way, the duty of educating belongs to the Church, not merely because she must be recognized as a human society capable of educating, but especially because she has the responsibility of announcing the way of salvation to all men, of communicating the life of Christ to those who believe, and, in her unfailing solicitude, of assisting men to be able to come to the fullness of this life.(14) The Church is bound as a mother to give to these children of hers an education by which their whole life can be imbued with the spirit of Christ and at the same time do all she can to promote for all peoples the complete perfection of the human person, the good of earthly society and the building of a world that is more human.(15)

The Importance of Schools

Among all educational instruments the school has a special importance.(19) It is designed not only to develop with special care the intellectual faculties but also to form the ability to judge rightly, to hand on the cultural legacy of previous generations, to foster a sense of values, to prepare for professional life. Between pupils of different talents and backgrounds it promotes friendly relations and fosters a spirit of mutual understanding; and it establishes as it were a center whose work and progress must be shared together by families, teachers, associations of various types that foster cultural, civic, and religious life, as well as by civil society and the entire human community.

Beautiful indeed and of great importance is the vocation of all those who aid parents in fulfilling their duties and who, as representatives of the human community, undertake the task of education in schools. This vocation demands special qualities of mind and heart, very careful preparation, and continuing readiness to renew and to adapt.

6. The Duties and Rights of Parents

Parents who have the primary and inalienable right and duty to educate their children must enjoy true liberty in their choice of schools. Consequently, the public power, which has the obligation to protect and defend the rights of citizens, must see to it, in its concern for distributive justice, that public subsidies are paid out in such a way that parents are truly free to choose according to their conscience the schools they want for their children.(20)

So there you have it, the basics of what the Church teaches about parents role in the education of their children. In part 2 of the series, I will discuss Catholic schools and finally homeschooling.

Modernist?

2011-04-28T04:03:00.000-07:00

I had intended the first post after Easter Sunday to be about education, but something more pressing has come to my attention that I feel needs to be addressed. I get quite a number of emails from this blog. Most of them are a reply of thanks for what I am doing here. However, I do get some negative emails (and posts) claiming I am just like those modernists or that I am claiming that we all swing to the other extreme side. That is not what this is about at all. But I can see how a strict traditionalist could think that I am abandoning all of those important issues like skirts only for women. But I am trying to show what the Church really teaches on certain matters that Traditionalists have made like dogma. I am seeking balance, and the Church provides that.
I wrote here, in another post,

from a book I am reading this Lent, Consoling the Heart of Jesus.
from p.244 "Sometimes, instead of getting people to run after lesser goods, the bad spirit tries to get them running after true goods in an extreme way. His intention in playing this version of his trick is to eventually leave his victims feeling tired and discouraged. After all, people can only live life to the extreme for so long."

I think Satan can use extremism in any form to draw us away from Truth. That is what I am trying to acknowledge here on this blog.

Here is a comment from a recent poster:

"WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO OUR GOD-GIVEN INSTINCT FOR REVERENCE? I'm not so interested in written codes/doctrine as this must have "some" adaptation to modern times. However, DECENCY has no era!
I am so shocked at what I see in church that I cann't even concentrate on the Mass. Mothers who look like skanky prostitutes and their young daughters not far behind. Breasts out, heels & skirts up to their "buns," dripping in oversized earrings, excess make-up & ATTITUDE! Gum, talking throughout, last arrived/first out (even before Priest) with numerous illegitimate, uncontrollable babies/kids.
God says come as you are, but once you have been in the Church you should not appear the same as a newcomer who is "ill and welcomed."

What happened to "Sunday clothes?" Why is God not good enough to dress for, yet birthday parties and the like get the best!
I plan to do my small part. Please do yours."

First of all, I am doing my part, and I think most of the readers here are as well. This comment came across as if I am promoting swinging to the other extreme side. I am not. I find what this poster said about people dressing immodestly and church horrible (not to mention the lack of reverence). BUT I will not longer judge these people. I know what they are doing may be scandalizing, but there is a chance they don't realize that, haven't been educated, etc. I still believe in modesty, in the healthy sense, the way the Church actually teaches, not in the extreme way some traditionalists promote.

New Post soon

2011-04-20T16:16:00.000-07:00

I am working on a series of posts on homeschooling that I will start posting after Holy week. Stay tuned.

Lent and evil spirits

2011-03-26T12:15:00.000-07:00

I have been busy lately; thus the reason for no posting. I had plans of certain things to do and give up for Lent, but God interviened and gave me my penances that He wanted me to have. Now that I am a former Church fanatic, I am doing Lent a bit differnent. I use to come up with a long list of family penances and extra prayers. This year, we decided on one family penance (giving up sweets because it is easier as a group) and to get back to our daily family rosary. Other than that, we let the children decide for themselves what they wanted to do. I also read from a few sources that were consoling to me since I tend to want to pile on the penances and make it completly dreadful.
from a book I am reading this Lent, Consoling the Heart of Jesus.

from p.244 "Sometimes, instead of getting people to run after lesser goods, the bad spirit tries to get them running after true goods in an extreme way. His intention in playing this version of his trick is to eventually leave his victims feeling tired and discouraged. After all, people can only live life to the extreme for so long."

And a few examples he gives on the same page:
" For instance, he may command a person who before conversion, only listened to violent, impure, and hateful music, "Throw out all your CD's now!" That makes sense with regard to the gangster rap CD's, but does the uplifting music on the Jack Johnson CD really deserve the trash can?.... He sometimes tries to trick us into getting rid of good music or other legitimate natural consolations. Remember, we are not Superman. God provides us not only with supernatural but also natural consolations, and it can be a good and humble thing to accept them."

And another example from p. 245:
"The bad spirit may also try to get us to run after such goods as prayer and fasting in an extreme way. For instance, he may push us into the chapel and down on our knees so often that the spiritual life begins to seem like nothing but a joyless drag."

And I do NOT want Lent or praying to be a drag for any of my children. So, I am taking many of these things to heart. Have a blessed Lent.

Taking care of yourself

2011-02-03T19:27:00.000-08:00

Since discovering that I have been suffering from anxiety and depression, I have read a lot about it. One outstanding theme is to take care of yourself through exercise, sufficient sleep, eating well, and having time alone for refreshment. I rarely did this through my early years of mothering and especially once I became a traditionalist. I always assumed the hard, bone-weary tired was just my cross to bear and that I had to die to self. While this is true to an extent, we must take care of ourselves or we will crash and burn. Mothers give a lot so we must replenish. For me, the biggest help (and hardest to do) has been to get enough sleep. I don't sleep well by nature so I struggle with it. Not the desire, mind you, but getting and staying asleep. I no longer feel guilty if I don't have time to do everything because I need to sleep. Before, I would stay up late or get up early to get things done. Now I reallize that sleep needs to be as much as a priority, if not more, than other things like a clean home. I remember reading from a SSPX source about mothers and sleep once. The author asserted that you could sleep when you are in the grave but right now you are in a battle with work to be done. Well, I won't be doing much fighting if I am totally depleted. I no longer listen to such garbage, but instead I have become willing to do whatever I need to do to heal and take care of myself. Because if I don't take care of me, there will be no one to give to these beautiful people God has entrusted to mePlease share ways you take care of yourself. More later as I should be getting ready for bed. Sleep, wonderful sleep.

Capital punishment

2011-01-20T14:25:00.000-08:00

Althought not a major "traditionalist" issue as some others, there is a strong camp that believe the church since vatican II has gone soft on the death penalty. This article, death penalty magisterium-vs-left-and-right, explains the true teaching of the church, which is very balanced, not extremist in any direction.

Discipline

2011-01-08T12:55:00.000-08:00

The majority of traditionalists I encountered were of the old school of thought regarding discipline. By this I mean the obey, right away, no questions asked camp. Ya, know the "I'll give you something to cry about" line. When I began my parenting journey, I was very much anti-spanking. I didn't think anyone should spank their child. Ever. Well, this school of thougtht didn't seem to jive with traditionalism. Most thougtht anti-spankers were liberal. I would find a few traditionalist here and there who were into gentle discipline but many were into a protestant type method called To Train up a Child. (I won't be linking that because their methods have been linked to several deaths--It is like training an animal) Well, wanting to be the good little Catholic (remember I was depressed and dealing with severe anxiety) I fell for it. BUT not once did it seem right to me. But I was told (from various sources, including a trad. priest) to ignore my emotions and feelings on this matter.
Well, now that I am finally free of the anxiety, depression, and extreme traditionalism, I can see that being too far to the left or right is wrong FOR ME. I don't spank now, but I realize some parents may feel they need that tool in their parenting toolbox. Balance was one of my words last year, not going to the extreme in any one area and for me this seems to be my balance.

Joy

2011-01-03T12:04:00.000-08:00

My word for 2011 is JOY! I have not been a joyful mommy for many years. Due to my anxiety and depression, I was very grumpy, irritable, and impatient most of the time. I wanted so much to be joyful and have fun with my kids, but I could never do it. I was constantly tired and with depression and anxiety I could not cope with everything. Now that I have the depression and anxiety under control, I am trying to be that mother I have always wanted to be. We are having a lot more fun around here, and I try to say yes as much as possible. I am more soft spoken and calm. I hope I can contiune this. We so need it.

Modesty quotes

2010-12-25T16:09:00.000-08:00

Many traditionalists use this statement from Cardinal Siri in 1960 to say the church teaches that women should wear dresses only. (since this one is so long, I only linked it) However, here is a statement from a very long time ago, long before the first one, by Pope Nicholas I.

The Responses of Pope St. Nicholas I to the Questions of the Bulgars" (Letter 99), Chapter LVIIII, A.D. 866:

"We consider what you asked about pants (femoralia) to be irrelevant; for we do not wish the exterior style of your clothing to be changed, but rather the behavior of the inner man within you, nor do we desire to know what you are wearing except Christ — for however many of you have been baptized in Christ, have put on Christ [Gal. 3:27] — but rather how you are progressing in faith and good works. But since you ask concerning these matters in your simplicity, namely because you were afraid lest it be held against you as a sin, if you diverge in the slightest way from the custom of other Christians, and lest we seem to take anything away from your desire, we declare that in our books, pants (femoralia) are ordered to be made, not in order that women may use them, but that men may. But act now so that, just as you passed from the old to the new man, [cf. Eph. 4:22-24; Col. 3:9-10] you pass from your prior custom to ours in all things; but really do what you please. For whether you or your women wear or do not wear pants (femoralia) neither impedes your salvation nor leads to any increase of your virtue.

As we can see here, he said that pants do not help or hurt our salvation. More recently, Pope John Paul II had this to say about modesty in Love and Responsibility:

While we are on the subject of dress and its relevance to the problem of modesty and immodesty it is worth drawing attention to the functional significance of differences in attire. There are certain objective situations in which even total nudity of the body is not immodest, since the proper function of nakedness in this context is not to provoke a reaction to the person as an object for enjoyment, and in just the same way the functions of particular forms of attire may vary. Thus, the body may be partially bared for physical labour, for bathing, or for a medical examination. If then we wish to pass a moral judgment on particular forms of dress we have to start from the particular functions which they serve. When a person uses such a form of dress in accordance with its objective function we cannot claim to see anything immodest in it, even if it involves partial nudity. Whereas the use of such a costume outside its proper context is immodest, and is inevitably felt to be so.
For example, there is nothing immodest about the use of a bathing costume at a bathing place, but to wear it in the street or while out for a walk is contrary to the dictates of modesty. It would be wrong not to refer here, if only cursorily, to another particular problem, that of pornography (or shamelessness) in art. It is a very broad problem, and extremely complex on detailed examination, because of the diversity of the arts. I am concerned for the present only to define the gist of the problem. An artist communicates in his work his own thoughts, feelings, and attitudes, but his work does not only serve this purpose. It serves the truth, in that it must capture and transmit some fragment of reality in a beautiful way.

Who is right? Well, none of these statements are ex-cathedra statements. They are merely recommendations and/or that persons opinion at that time. We are free to follow any of these recommendations, but to tell others that this is church teaching is false and smacks of legalism. So if some traditionalist wants to throw Cardinal Siri's letter at you, toss them good ole Pope Nicholas' statement or Pope John Paul II's quote.

Advent and Christmas

2010-12-04T18:37:00.000-08:00

Tis the season to be jolly,
the song goes. But advent and Christmas happened to be another area where I was an extremist. Many of the changes that occured for my family were good in this area: more spiritual preparation, celebrating the 12 days of Christmas, and a focus on all of the saints feast days before and after Christmas. But, it also led to an attitude of "We don't do anything during advent or Christmas that is secular or not done the tradiitonal way." So that meant no Santa Claus (although we did do St. Nicholas), strict penance similar to Lent, no parties during Advent, no eating sweets (and therefore no baking), no Christmas music until Christmas eve, and no decorating until Christmas eve. The children never rebelled; this was all they knew...until some of them got older. Then they would whine, especially about eating treats and listening to music. This is our first official Christmas out of the movement so what are things looking like? Well, actually we like some of our traditions like celebrating saints' feast days and putting up the tree on Christmas eve (it helps pass the day). But we will be doing many things differently. We started listening to Christmas music after Thanksgiving (it has really put them in the mood), we are watching all of those secular favorite Christmas shows (I had forgotten how much I loved them as a child), I am not shunning ole Santa (although they are all aware he is not real---I can't bring myself to tell them something not true---I held this belief even when I was a nominal Catholic), and we are baking and eating Christmas goodies as feast days arrive and not feeling guilty about it. Spiritually, we are spending time daily preparing ourselves for the coming of Christ, and we are helping out a family less fortunate during this season. We want to teach them the true meaning of giving. We are really making this a season of joy, love, and giving, and not one of rules and lists. (you won't be seeing me checking it twice;))

Control

2010-11-29T10:00:00.000-08:00

Many aspects of cults, spiritual abuse, and extremists of any form is about control. These groups want to control minds, souls, and especially actions. Most of the time, fear and shame are used to control others actions. How is this done? Many of the "leaders" of these groups will make sweeping statements such as "You must homeschool to keep your children from evil," "TV will rot your children's souls so throw it out", or "Women are responsible for keeping men pure and bringing back the stay-at-home mom so women need to always wear skirts and dresses", ad nauseam. How is this done among Catholics? It can be heard from the pulpit, in confession, in private spiritual direction, but more often it is seen in publications, books, online e-lists/forums/blogs, and by real people in the pews. Many Catholics espouse these views and try to control the actions of others by judging people and what they are doing, especially their own children.
But can we really control anyone? Well, yes, through fear and shame we can, BUT usually those controlled this way will eventually rebel or have a break down of some form. We cannot control anyone but ourselves and God is in control of all of the rest. Yes, we can do our part by discerning what we feel is best for our family, but God is ultimately in control of everything, including how our children turn out. Do we really feel like He won't provide where we are lacking? Doesn't the Bible say His grace is sufficient? So, if we choose something like public school for our children because we feel led to that, He will provide the grace to see it through if that is His will.
We need to remember that Adam and Eve had the perfect situation, and they blew it. The twelve apostles had the best teacher and one was lost. We all have free will so no matter what we do, our children can choose to reject what we teach them. This to me is a scary thought. You mean no matter what I do, no matter how much I put into this, they can go astray? Yes, it is possible, but there is something we can do. Instead of trying to control the outside (as in what they wear, what they see/hear, etc) we can try to reach their hearts. We do this by spending time with them that we all enjoy, talking with them about many things both important and trivial, by listening to them (without lecturing), and by being a good example to them. Then we can trust that God will bring to completion the work He began. I think these things, more than anything else we can do, will help our children in their walk with God. We can control the outside, but it doesn't mean we will have their hearts and that their hearts will be turned to God.

Clothing changes

2010-11-23T15:11:00.000-08:00

Someone recently asked me to discuss how changing from dresses/skirts only to pants has been for my family personally. Please share in the comments, if you feel called, how this change has been for you and your girls.
During the summer, we slowly began letting our 3 dd wear shorts for bike riding and regular swimsuits with board shorts over them. I can't believe we ever made our girls wear swim skirts to their knees, but we did. For the first time this summer, I noticed that I was so much more relaxed about clothing issues. Usually I would worry so much about what we were wearing---were we covered enough, what did people think of what we wore (I always felt like we stuck out like a sore thumb--we did), etc. This past summer I was able to relax about it and didn't give it much thought other than thinking I wasn't stressed about it. Finally by the end of the summer, we decided to let them wear shorts and pants for every day wear. We still have rules; their pants are baggy and the shorts reach their knees. They still choose dresses several times a week.
For me personally, I love being back in pants. I was always a jean kinda gal. I even received a positive message from a priest who is very holy. He said he was glad to see me wear pants and not stress over it. This is coming from a priest who prefers women to wear dresses, but isn't militant about it.
I have noticed that wearing pants has made life easier in many regards. Here are a few examples: housecleaning, outside chores like gardening and chicken duty, climbing on ladders, and my all time favorite, moving around in my van. I used to always step on my skirt while trying to climb around like a monkey in the van tending my children while dh was driving. How lady-like did I look climbing over seats in a skirt while we were flying down the highway, lol. I am so happy and relaxed about this change. Most people in my life have been supportive of it except a few who think dresses are a church dogma. Please share your experiences.

My homeschooling journey

2010-11-19T14:02:00.001-08:00

I wanted to share with everyone how I came to the choice of homeschooling and how I feel about it now. Twenty-two years ago in college, I researched homeschooling for my final paper in my major. (which is education related) I read John Holt and the Colfaxs and knew this was what I wanted for my children when I had them. My decision was purely based on how ineffective public schools were; how they didn't work with a students strengths, interests, and at their pace. I also wanted to protect them from feeling dumb (which I came across a lot in public school) and from being bullied. At the time, I was a new convert and religion was not a priority for that type of choice. Once married, the children came right away. My husband was on board with homeschooling so that was to my advantage. Once the children were of school age, I began using a relaxed approach based on interests. (some would call this Christian Unschooling) About that time, I became involved with a Catholic homeschooling support group. I found out many things I didn't know. Someone recommended me using the Baltimore Catechism for religion. We picked one up, and as I read through it, I was amazed at how much I didn't know as a Catholic. Slowly, we became more conservative in our religious convictions. I researched so much because the internet was just becoming popular. By this time, I was on my fourth child, and I was tired. I decided to ask a question on a Traditional Catholics mothers' board about wanting to be done having children. I got a huge lecture on how NFP is sinful. Of course I shot back, "but the church allows it." This led to a whole conversation about how the church after Vatican II was wrong on many things. Someone mentioned the Traditional Latin Mass was still available so I inquired about one in our area since we had recently been disturbed with some of the things going on in our parish. This led me to research everything from dressing to homeschooling methods. I found that many traditionalist believe that you should only use Catholic curriculum and avoid things like unschooling, Charlotte Mason, and Montessori because they were heretical. About this time, I developed severe anxiety and depression (although at the time I didn't know) Upon reading this information, I panicked and changed my methods of homeschooling which led to a lot of tears on everyones part. I didn't listen to my inner voice telling me that this wasn't for my family. I truly believed that in order to be a good Catholic, I had to homeschool the "right way." Sending the children to school was not even an option because like I said before, traditionalists including myself thought schools were evil. I flipped flopped back and forth between methods for several years before I discovered my anxiety and left the movement. Now I realize that any method a parent feels is best for their family is fine. Not my place to judge. I also believe that both Catholic school and public schools are suitable options. Each family must decide. At this point, we have decided to enroll our now 8th grader into a new Catholic high school next fall that is wonderful. God willing, he will be accepted and the financial scholarships will come through. We are also not closing the door on school for our other children. We will be evaluating this through prayer and discussion throughout the spring to see if we feel any of our other children need to attend school. I know a few who probably need to be at home at this point. But now I can see that this can be a child by child decision and a year by year assessment. Nothing is set in stone.

Contacting me

2010-11-19T07:13:00.000-08:00

Please see the side bar for a way to contact me with questions, ideas for posts, if you want to submit a post (which I would love. I want others stories!), or anything else.

Educational choices

2010-11-18T17:54:00.000-08:00

Noted in the side bar of this blog are links to the Church's teachings on education. If you notice, there is no mention of what type of school, including homeschooling. It clearly states that parents are the primary and first teachers of their children, and that we have the right to choose the type of school that will best meet our needs. However, many Catholic homeschoolers and traditionalists believe homeschooling is the only and best way to educate a child. Many will tell you that you are sending your kid into hell by allowing them to attend public school. As well, they may even say that a Novus Ordo Catholic school is worse than a public school because of the heresy they will be exposed to.
For years I believed this. I was so scared of the evil government schools and the Catholic schools-that-aren't-Catholic. I believed these lies. I was led by fear. Although my decision to homeschool originally was based on educational and safety reasons, I soon began to fear for my children's souls and thought these types of schools would automatically lead them on the road to perdition. But since having my eyes opened, I have seen that there are numerous children in the system who are living their faith, including ones in Catholic schools. I had heard that there weren't any good Catholic schools in this country and recently I have found two. One is a high school teaching a classical liberal arts curriculum including using the Didache series for religion. Another one is a K-12 school with the priests teaching religion (again using Didache) and nuns for the younger grades. This parish has both the Novus Ordo Mass and Traditional Latin Mass including the school Mass for the children so they can learn the rich heritage of the Mass.
I have also seen homeschoolers scorn others for choosing to put their children in school after homeschooling them for a while. Where is the charity here? I believe people are earnestly seeking to do what is best for their children and family. I believe they have prayed about it and maybe even received some spiritual advice. Instead of chastising one another, we need to extend charity. Homeschooling is not for everyone. Homeschooling does not offer any guarantees. We like to think if we just do 'x,y,z' they will turn out right. However, there is free will and no absolute formula for success. God can extend grace where He chooses. We do our part and He is in charge of the results. And He is bigger than homeschooling or any kind of school choice.

NFP Up close and personal

2010-11-01T19:32:00.000-07:00

As part of our marriage prep, we learned NFP. At the time we were your average Sunday-going-to-Mass couple but nothing fringe. NFP worked well for us for our first 6 years of marriage. Then we became more involved with homeschooling and learning the faith. This led to investigating many issues, one of them being the licit use of NFP. Unfortunantly, we were not taught about the need to have a serious reason to use it. However, this extreme view was that there was never a reason to use NFP; if things were that bad you should just completely abstain. (yeah, like that's real good for a marriage) Anyways, we fell for it, hook line and sinker and thought modernist Rome had just caved on this issue along with so many others. Once we abandoned NFP, the babies came fast. I became pregnant 6 more times (although only 4 made it to term). I became grumpy and lost all joy for parenting and homeschooling. I just thought this was part of the cross and kept on slogging through. Sadly, I scratched the souls of my dear children way too many times, and I am only discovering now that I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for many years. I just didn't know it. My body didn't have much time between pregnancies to rest. I was depleted. But I thought it was evil to do anything about it. I constantly chastised myself for not relying on God enough. He was offering help; I just didn't recognize it. Now, I see the blessing that NFP can be once a priest and my husband stated that it was absolutely necessary to my sanity. I have that serious reason. No one can judge my intentions, and I don't intend to judge anyone elses decision to use it. Please feel free to offer your experiences or stories.

Rad Trads

2010-10-28T19:37:00.000-07:00

This post at Inside Catholic explains very well what the point of my blog is. Read the comments to get a feel for these types of trads if you have never encountered them. Consider yourself blessed if you haven't.

NFP

2010-10-25T17:20:00.000-07:00

NFP is another "hot" topic among traditional Catholics. This, along with the extreme modesty issue, has hurt me the most.

For starters, let's look at the church's teaching on this:

The Catechism of the Catholic Church says:
2368 A particular aspect of this responsibility concerns the regulation of births. For just reasons, spouses may wish to space the births of their children. It is their duty to make certain that their desire is not motivated by selfishness but is in conformity with the generosity appropriate to responsible parenthood. (emphasis in original text)

With regard to physical, economic, psychological and social conditions, responsible parenthood is exercised by those who prudently and generously decide to have more children, and by those who, for serious reasons and with due respect to moral precepts, decide not to have additional children for either a certain or an indefinite period of time. Humanae Vitae

If therefore there are well-grounded reasons for spacing births, arising from the physical or psychological condition of husband or wife, or from external circumstances, the Church teaches that married people may then take advantage of the natural cycles immanent in the reproductive system and engage in marital intercourse only during those times that are infertile, thus controlling birth in a way which does not in the least offend the moral principles which We have just explained. (20) Humanae Vitae

Nor are those considered as acting against nature who in the married state use their right in the proper manner although on account of natural reasons either of time or of certain defects, new life cannot be brought forth. For in matrimony as well as in the use of the matrimonial rights there are also secondary ends, such as mutual aid, the cultivating of mutual love, and the quieting of concupiscence which husband and wife are not forbidden to consider so long as they are subordinated to the primary end and so long as the intrinsic nature of the act is preserved. Casti Connubbi (59)

Serious motives, such as those which not rarely arise from medical, eugenic, economic and social so-called "indications," may exempt husband and wife from the obligatory, positive debt for a long period or even for the entire period of matrimonial life. From this it follows that the observance of the natural sterile periods may be lawful, from the moral viewpoint: and it is lawful in the conditions mentioned. If, however, according to a reasonable and equitable judgment, there are no such grave reasons either personal or deriving from exterior circumstances, the will to avoid the fecundity of their union, while continuing to satisfy to tile full their sensuality, can only be the result of a false appreciation of life and of motives foreign to sound ethical principles. Pope Pius XII address to Italian Midwives

I could quote more from Vatican II and Pope John Paul II, but they all say the same thing. NFP is licit when certain conditions are met. It is up to the individual couple to prayerfully discern what a serious reason constitutes. Everyone is different and given different strengths and abilities. So what might be serious for one couple might be easy for another. We don't have to question the why's behind NFP. I constantly did that and drove myself crazy. When I got over my anxiety, I realized that I just have to accept with child-like faith that the church does not teach errors and to rest in that. What a relief that is. This approach also helps to avoid judging couples motives. We can never really know a couples whole situation and should refrain from passing judgment on intentions to use NFP.

The question often comes up about NFP being abused. Many traditionalists complaint against NFP is that it is abused. I am sure that it happens. Anything good can be abused--children, money, sex, and NFP. But I think that trads tend to exagerrate this point. I really think that any couple that is making the sacrifice to practice NFP and do what the church teaches is being sincere.

This is the more "technical" part of NFP. I will be writing soon about how this played out in my life and what effect it had on me.

Modesty of the heart

2010-10-18T15:16:00.000-07:00

There is a lot of talk these days about modesty and whether women wearing pants is acceptable. It is also a big issue amongst traditional Catholics and one that can lead some people to develop scrupulosity or judgmental attitudes.
But is modesty just about our outward appearance? Consider this from 1Peter 3:4, "Your adornment is rather hidden character of the heart, expressed in unfading beauty of a calm and gentle disposition. This is precious in God's eyes." (emphasis mine) I think many people miss this side of the issue. I call this modesty of the heart. To me this means to be "clothed in Him." How would I describe Jesus---kind, loving, meek, humble, patient, forgiving, merciful, generous. These are the things I wish to put on--to be Jesus to all I meet. This will include covering what should remain hidden, but will hopefully include the ways I described Jesus and what St. Peter was referring to, a sweet disposition.
One can be covered on the outside in a dress or skirt, but be judgmental, prideful, and uncharitable on the inside. This is not true modesty and unfortunately, I have seen this a lot in the traditional Catholic world, and I am saddened to say that I was a part of that for a time. It is so easy to see yourself as holier than others when you believe there is such a cut a dry standard on this issue. It allows you to become your own mini "magisterium" and opens the door to criticizing people including priests, bishops, and even the pope. It is not my place to judge. Jesus met with sinners; he ate with adulteress', prostitutes (and I bet they weren't too covered) and he rebuked the Pharisees who had hardened their hearts and followed only the letter of the law. I don't know where anyone is on their journey with the Lord. I don't know where God has led anyone or what their circumstances are so I will refrain from passing judgment and instead be clothed in Him and extend mercy.

Pure Fashion

2010-09-26T19:46:00.000-07:00

Here is a link to a modesty movement that is reasonable. It is called Pure Fashion. It is a program to bring about the virtue of modesty but with an appeal to be modern and chic but not extreme.

Doubts

2010-09-26T17:52:00.000-07:00

Changing the way one believes or looks at things can be difficult. Doubts are a normal part of the process of letting go of old belief and thought patterns. What can be done for this? I am no expert, but I am trying to come up with ways to help myself when these doubts assail me.
1. First and foremost for me is to pray.
2. Talk to my husband. He can reassure me that I am on the right path.
3. Don't read conflicting information. I need to stay away from material that I have a hard time with because the doubts tend to creep in.
4. Go back and re-read my journals and see how miserable I was and how much better I have been feeling since letting certain things go.

If anyone else has some thoughts on helping with doubts after getting away from fanatical traditionalism, please post in the comments section.

Sola Skirtura

2010-09-25T10:52:00.000-07:00

I recently ran across this hilarious phrase, sola skirtura. If you are in the mood to read articles/comments about the pants vs. skirts debate among Catholics, check these out.

Mark Shea

I have to sit down

The Problem of pants

Alexandria

Keep your eyes on your own work (not specifically about skirts/pants but referenced)

One Month

2010-09-07T18:38:00.000-07:00

Early September marks the one month anniversary of the girls in this family wearing pants/shorts. It has been a refreshing change and one I thought might be fraught with anxiety and second guessing. However, the opposite has been the case. I have felt so good about this decision and realize that we can have fun, wear modest clothing (and that doesn't have to be skirts/dresses) and not worry. This summer, for the first time, I relaxed and enjoyed swimming instead of being consumed with thoughts of our dress. We just swam and had the time of our lives. We didn't stand out like sore thumbs and get "the look." It is a refreshing and welcome change.

Saturday evening blog post

2010-09-03T20:03:00.000-07:00

Check out the Saturday evening blog posts over at Elizabeth's. Not specifically Catholic but some good reads.

Prayer at Clear Creek

2010-08-20T14:01:00.000-07:00

Ok, my computer is being weird. I wanted to post this here and it wouldn't copy and paste so if you are interested, go to my personal blog and read about a prayer (and message) I had at Clear Creek Abbey and how it was answered.

The God you serve

2010-08-16T13:52:00.000-07:00

Who is the God you serve? Does the God you serve carry a big club, waiting for you to stumble into sin and then beat you in punishment? Do you fear Him because you don’t want to go to hell so you try to do all the right stuff and measure up so you assure yourself a spot inside the pearly gates? Are you burdened with fear, shame, and excessive guilt? Do you envision God as a Santa Claus type figure keeping a list of who is naughty and nice? Are you overly concerned that you don’t pray enough, or right, look and act a certain way? These views are disordered views of God.
For as long as I have remembered, I have feared God’s wrath and punishment. As a little girl I always did the right thing so I wouldn’t get in trouble, displease my parents and God. If I did slip up, I would be filled with guilt and shame and beg God to forgive me. I was terrified of Hell. For some reason, as I grew to adulthood, I carried the guilt and shame with me. I was an excessive worrier about everything. I severely chastised myself when I slipped and made a mistake. God was very distant; he seemed more like a harsh judge than a loving father. Then came the anxiety about certain issues when I went through a renewal of my faith. I had a checklist lifestyle. I thought if I did x,y, and z, I would be a good Catholic woman. Now these were things like wear dresses only, go to the Traditional Latin Mass, limit outside contact, allow as many babies as humanly possible, etc. The things not on my list were charity, humility, simplicity, kindness, etc. I was not leading a virtuous life. I was critical of many, judgmental of others, and mad about so many things. Missing from this was peace, love, and joy. But through a difficult cross the Lord sent, my eyes were opened.
Now I am have been introduced to a different God. He is not a big bad bully. He is the Great I AM. He is merciful and kind, slow to anger. He longs for us to come to Him with our troubles, love, and joy. He is not waiting to beat us up over our failings. He is ready to forgive us when we approach Him with a contrite heart. He is willing to give us His grace and love. We can see this in the gospels. Remember when he was at the house of Simon and the woman was bathing him and kissing his feet? He told Simon how great her love and faith were. Loving Him is simple and why He tells us to have child-like faith.
I am learning this through some holy priests who promote the wonderful message of Divine Mercy. Traditionalists tend to focus on God’s justice and the penance we must do (which is important), but they forget his Love and Mercy. There needs to be a balance, and I think this is one reason many people were happy to see some changes that came about in the church. Priests often felt cold and not understanding of problems people faced.
This is an exciting time in my spiritual life. My life has been so rocky and tops turvy, filled with anxiety, questioning, and depression. This season of life is like meeting and getting to know someone special for the first time. I believe all of the same things about God such as the mystery of the Trinity and His presence in the Holy Eucharist, but my view of Him is slowly shifting to a God I can love and trust fully and now I fully know that I am loved because He created me, not because I wore dresses or no make-up. It goes much deeper than that.

Scrupulosity

2010-08-12T12:46:00.000-07:00

Extreme Traditionalism can lead to scrupulosity. People who are scrupulous tend to believe they are in a state of mortal sin and this can lead to repeated confession about the same sins. They believe that they are not forgiven therefore they tend to confess repeatidly, hop from confessor to confessor, and live in fear. I have first-hand knowledge of this debilitating spiritual disease. One of my children has suffered with this. I believe that many of our fanatical beliefs may have contributed to it or at least made it worse. Traditionalists tend to focus on God's punishment and the penance we must do and forget His love and mercy. It is an easy trap to fall into because at times it seems that many Novus Ordo parishes focus on the other extreme and we feel we have a watered down faith. But we need a balance, not a tottering in either direction too far. Because I have dealt with this, I wanted to share some resources in case anyone else is dealing with this.

Scrupulosity and How to Overcome it

The Doubting Disease

Book burning

2010-08-07T19:22:00.000-07:00

Tonight I did it. I had an enormous bon fire with my extremist traditional books, magazines, and newspapers. They aren't fit for passing on to others. Next up, cutting up a few tapes and cd's. It is quite theraputic.

Weekly topic #3- Mass choices

2010-07-26T07:55:00.000-07:00

I am finally back. We are through with our big vacation and I am more than ready to get back to my blog and the new e-list that has been started. If you feel like you want to share more private things, that is the place for it.
The topic for the week is Mass choices. The more I became involved with tradition, the more I became critical of the New Mass, bishops, and even the Pope. I thought the Traditional Latin Mass was the only Mass one should attend. I never got to the point (thankfully) of thinking the New Mass was invalid, but now I can see how that can easily happen. I love the Traditional Latin Mass. It is my Mass of choice, but now I will go to a reverent New Mass if I have to. (before I believed I could just skip it if I couldn't get to Mass) The New Mass is valid even if it isn't our preference. There are very holy people who attend this Mass and there is salvation outside the Traditional Latin Mass. Have any of you run into the idea that the Latin Mass is the only one you should attend even if you don't have one to go to?

New group for women

2010-07-14T09:22:00.001-07:00

This is an egroup to support women coming out of fanatical traditionalism.
Here is a description of the group:
So....when did you leave the compound?" This question was posed to me by a friend regarding the changing of my strict convictions. If you are a traditional Catholic mother there is no need to describe "the compound". You know...the place of a total lack of charity where we set ourselves up as moral police who have it all right while everyone else in the world has it all wrong! This is a place for Catholic mothers that have seen the damage done to our families by the fanatical strictness we put upon ourselves. If you are free from the compound, or wish to be free, join us in discovereing the joys of life while we still struggle to work out our salvation. We will not all agree with one another but the point is to grab a cup of coffee and work on our appreciation for one another as we learn to love the true meaning of womanhood.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/uncloistered/

Please join us if you feel led.

Quivering Daughters

2010-07-12T19:56:00.001-07:00

I have found a wonderful blog written by a young women who was part of the protestant homeschooling movement as a child. She has since abandoned a lot of her parents teachings because of the strictness of it all. THis one particular article struck me because it focuses on outside appearances. Keep in mind it is from a protestant view point, but it still struck a cord with me. The comments were very insightful as well.

Weekly discussion topics will be back near the end of July.

Vacation

2010-06-29T08:10:00.000-07:00

The Church Fanatic will be on vacation for a bit, meaning there will be no new weekly discussion topics and other posts. Feel free to continue discussing modesty, veils, etc. I will still be approving comments. Just feeling a bit swamped with life!

Weekly topic #3 Veils

2010-06-20T19:50:00.000-07:00

I love veils. I think they are beautiful and feminine. I wear one to Mass. However, many traditionalists act like wearing a veil is church law. Actually, in the 1917 code of canon law, it was stated that women should cover their heads. However, in the 1983 code of canon law, there is nothing about the veil, meaning it is now optional. Here is a nice article about veils by a priest. It explains the teaching on this issue.

Where are these extremists?

2010-06-17T08:26:00.000-07:00

I have had a few people (email or on other message boards) question where these radical traditionalist are because they haven't experienced them very much. To clarify, I did not have many where I attended Mass. It was mostly made up of older people. The people I met like this were mainly through online discussion groups and then I met in real life. We also travel quite a bit, and I met people through our travels at various Latin Masses. Also, I would find some women very strong in their belief about women wearing skirts/dresses only or women who were very much against NFP for any reason or women who believed the only Mass one should attend is the TLM. Then there were the ones who believed it all. I became friends with the ones who believed it all. They made it seem like to be a good, holy Catholic mom, you had to do these things. The arguements were very convincing. This is not a small phenomenon. If you check out the link on blog radio you will see what I mean. This is a growing trend among traditionists.

Modesty/Traditionalism resource

2010-06-15T10:54:00.000-07:00

Someone passed along some talks on blogtalk radio about modesty and other traditionalist issues. Please check it out.

Weekly topic #3--continuation

2010-06-14T12:44:00.000-07:00

I have decided to continue the discussion on modesty and accessories since some people have not had a chance to add their imput yet. Please keep commenting, asking questions, and discussing!

Weekly topic #2-accesories

2010-06-06T17:01:00.000-07:00

Since we just discussed modesty, I thought it would be good to follow it up with accesories for women. There is no official teaching on this I believe. The guidelines to follow would be the same for modesty. It is fine to look nice and attractive. However, in my involvement with traditionalism it was often a no-no to wear make-up, jewelry, perfume, dye your hair, cut your hair, wear nail polish etc. I read about and was often told personally that it was vain (and thus sinful) to wear make-up and dye my hair. I have never been into most of these things before I became traditional, but I really felt I needed some after so little sleep and so many children. But often I felt guilty and vain if I wanted to look a little better. I also felt that I was giving large families a bad name if I looked like death warmed over. But I continued to avoid these things because I wanted to be holy.
Now after much spiritual direction, I have learned that these things are fine especially when my husband requests them. It is far better to obey our husbands than to follow some trad who doesn't know our situation. Again, we can't judge someones holiness by how they appear.
Please share any thoughts on these topics and experiences.

weekly topic wrap-up

2010-06-05T14:35:00.000-07:00

Thank you for all who participated in the first weekly topic on modesty. Please continue to share your thoughts if you wish. I wanted to share a few thoughts on the issue that I have learned, discerned through spiritual direction and prayer. Modesty first and foremost is an inward virtue. It is our demeaner, attitude, and love. We must focus on being humble, charitable, kind, and joyful. People can wear a modest skirt yet lie, gossip, slander, judge people, etc. Their wardrobe does not make them holy. Above all God wants us to be charitable to our neighbor. He doesn't want us looking down at others who dress differently than us by chastizing them and appearing holier than thou. Sometimes people get caught in defending church customs from long ago that we forget charity. When we start to feel holier or superior to others (and that does happen at times) we risk becoming like Pharisees. We cannot dictate our personal standards on others as if they were the church's universal standards. I know there are books out there giving lists of things to wear and not wear. While that may be fine for an individual, that is not what the church has madated. Most of the majority of this literature is written from people who are involved with groups that are seperated from the church.
For clarification, the girls in my family wear dresses probably 90% of the time. We switched 10 years ago when we got involved in the trad movement. However now I allow my girls to wear pants and shorts for things like soccer and horseback riding. This may change as they become teens, but this is what we feel most comfortable with right now. For a time, though, we didn't let our girls participate in activities that they couldn't wear dresses in. I think our new line of thinking will benefit them because they don't like feeling so different from their friends. They had very few friends that dressed like us and that makes it hard for children. They are already so different from having a big family, being homeschooled, attend the Latin Mass, etc.
I also have learned that we should not judge a persons holiness by their dress. (or by anything else) Some of the most holiest people I have met wear pants. I am trying to teach my children to focus on the person and not judge what they only can see. I am seeing the beauty in people from the inside, their joy, their love, who they really are. I hope we can all do that. We are more than just a body. We have an eternal soul.

Weekly discussion #1- Modesty and dress

2010-05-30T16:30:00.001-07:00

The issue of modesty and dressing is a big issue in many traditional circles. There are as many opinions as well. In the ten years I have been involved with this movement, I have encountered a lot of variance. Many people dress just like others in the world (i.e. secular), others wear clothes that cover and call that modest, and still others who say women must wear dresses 100% of the time. Reading from the catechism we can see that the church does not state what type of clothing to wear, only that we should cover what should remain hidden. It also states that this can vary from culture to culture. However, some traditionalists will point out what cardinals or saints of the past have said and claim it to be church teaching. I have even been told that to allow our girls or myself to wear pants ever is a sin and evil. Therefore, they should not participate in activities such as soccer, horseback riding, bike riding, climbing trees, etc. I also ran across the issue of swimming. Some take that stand that we should foresake all swimming in reparation for sins against modesty. Others say to just swim in a private place, others maintain that you can swim anywhere. Those who take a more extreme opinion tend to say only swim dresses below the knee and definintly shirts for boys.
So I would like to hear others experiences with modesty/dress issues that you have encountered. Were you ever told that it is a sin to dress certain ways? Told that women should never wear pants? Did you keep your girls from certain activities because they couldn't wear dresses? Have your children ever felt out of place if you dressed this way or lonely because they could not participate in certain activities that other friends or relatives did?
I will be sharing my experiences with this issue in a later comment.

Weekly topic

2010-05-28T14:36:00.000-07:00

Beginning Suncay, I am going to post a topic (and info) each week for discussion. Please share any experiences or questions you have. No debating, please. I would like ideas for these weekly discussions. Right now I have these in mind (please leave other ideas in the comment field): modesty (wearing dresses/skirts only), using NFP or not, courtship, homeschooling, attending the Traditional Latin Mass, wearing veils, wifely submission, discipline, etc.

Please realize that I agree that all of these things can be good if you feel God is calling you to that. What I disagree with is others saying you MUST do (or not do) these things or you are sinning when even the church is not expecting these things.

Solving the Homeschooling crisis

2010-05-22T11:56:00.000-07:00

Please check out this great link. It is not Catholic, but it has so much valuable information on many of the problems occuring in Catholic homeschooling circles....extreme modesty, "quiverful", extreme sheltering, etc.

Links

2010-05-21T11:17:00.000-07:00

Please check the links on the side bar. As this blog grows, I will be adding links about the issues that some people tend to make their own rules about. If you have any to share, please feel free to leave a link in the comment section and will add it.

Your help needed

2010-05-19T13:36:00.001-07:00

If you have been hurt by a "church fanatic" please feel free to email me your story. I would love to share experiences.

The Traditional Catholic Gestapo Mom

2010-05-18T17:59:00.000-07:00

I have written extensively on what I call The Traditional Catholic Gestapo Mom. Please follow the link and let me know here what you think.

Welcome

2010-05-18T17:24:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the Church Fanatic. Please take time to read the about section to get a feel for what this blog is about. We will be posting church documents on the truth of issues such as natural family planning, modesty, the Mass, education, family life and more.